1. Compassionate communication or no communication.
We talk to each other in a level-headed, compassionate way or we don’t talk to each other at all. If we can’t talk to one another with the love and compassion that each of us deserves, then the first one to catch it says (with a smile), “Remember: Compassionate communication or NO communication.” This is usually enough to relax the mood. If not, we mutually decide to revisit the issue once whichever one of us that’s pissed off (and thus, communicating with a lack of compassion) returns to reality.
2. Gratitude goodnights.
Every night before bed, we take turns telling each other about one thing we’re grateful for about the other. For example, last night I said to Amna: “I’m really grateful for your patience.”
3. Daily expectations.
Every morning we tell or text one another what our individual game plans are for the day. For example: “I’m working till 3pm today.” This is helpful because our schedules can vary from time to time since we both run our own businesses, and it’s courteous to tell each other when we’ll be home or if we’ll be working later than usual on any given day.
4. Never keep score.
Relationships are places that you go to give — NOT to get. I remember a guy once telling me about how he “broke even” after splitting up with his girlfriend. What he meant was that he didn’t spend any more money on her than she did on him. That’s some of the stupidest, most ignorant shit I’ve heard in my life. Never keep score. Your relationship will be infinitely more beautiful because of it.
5. Be impeccable with our language.
This one was inspired by a book my wife and I both love, called The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. One of the four agreements he discusses in the book, is to “Be impeccable with your word.” Which means this: when you make a promise — keep it. When you say you’re going to do something — do it. Don’t be the type of person who says things that people have a hard time believing. This one serves as a constant reminder to both of us to be impeccable with our word, both with one another as well as with everyone else.
Read more at Pickthebrain